The twins were 10-months-old and we were on our way to Mommy and Me. Simple enough, right? Wrong! Anyone who has had twins fully recognizes that this simple outing requires about two-and-a-half hours of planning, prepping, and coaxing just to make it out the front door. After the morning ritual of changing, feeding, Sesame Street, changing (again), dressing, grooming, comforting, oh, spit up!!, dressing (again), and let’s not even talk about packing the diaper bag… You would think we were going on a 10-day camping trip to a deserted island, hundreds of miles from civilization.
Getting them into the car was an adventure in and of itself. You never knew how they were going to react. They’d either be really excited or they would have a total meltdown because going out just wasn’t in their plans.
The bag was packed, twins were ready and strapped in, I was dressed. Did I brush my hair? Who cares? I brushed my teeth…pretty sure.
Of course, I couldn’t pick a Mommy and Me that was geographically desirable, even though there were at least 30 to choose from within a five mile radius of my home. I had to pick one that was 35 miles away. After all, that one was run by a “Certified Child Development Expert” who was going to teach my 10-month-old twins “social emotional functioning and interaction” (how to play), “channeling their emotions” (how not to throw a fit), and how to speak three different languages (really?).
After all the effort it took to get them into the damn car, to have to take them back out seven minutes later just wasn’t worth it. So that was my way of justifying the 40-minute drive to Mommy and Me twice a week.
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I was about halfway into my journey when my phone rang. The excitement of the possibility of a conversation with an actual, real live adult human was beyond thrilling! The kids were strapped in, and I had at least 15 minutes to talk.
It was my sister, Daisy.
Daisy: Hi! How are you?
Me: Good, on my way to Mommy and Me … what are you up to?
Daisy: I went to the Oscars last night.
[Let me just interrupt for a second and stress how much I love being a mom. It’s all I ever wanted. I feel very blessed to have twins! Okay, I feel better. Now let’s continue.]
Me: I don’t have much time… tell me everything! Hurry!
Daisy: It was great! Everyone was there. I saw Oprah and Jude Law. Tom Hanks was really nice. Oh, and you’ll never guess who I had a drink with…
Me: OH MY GOD! I gotta go!!! F***!!!!!!!
Did I mention that Alex and Christian had severe carsickness?
You know how they say twins can feel what the other one is feeling. Well it’s not a myth. Not only did they have severe carsickness, but it was perfectly synchronized as though they had practiced over and over for months before getting it just right.
No warning. Just perfection.
I was around the corner from Mommy and Me when I pulled over and into a Citibank parking lot. I started the process of getting Alex and Christian out of their car seats, which were now dripping in vomit. I stripped the boys down to nothing, put them in the twin stroller, and grabbed a jumbo-sized pack of baby wipes.
As I was gracefully cleaning up chunks of bananas, Cheerios, and unidentifiable mush in 98 degree Miami heat, I stopped and thought to myself, Who the f**k was she having a drink with?
It’s times like these when God calls down to me, “This is what you wanted. Now focus!”
So I scrubbed.
This is a recurring column written by Rosana Fuentes Brijbag, in which she shares her chaotic, humorous, not so simple, everyday experiences as a mom of 8-year-old twins. Occasionally, her sister, Daisy Fuentes, who leads a child-free, jet-setting, and extraordinary existence, will make an appearance, showing quite a contrast in lifestyles.