We’ve all had them. Those horrible, embarrassing, disastrous, unforgettable (but not in a good way!) first dates, the kind we’d be willing to fake a seizure to get out of. So when we asked Mamiverse readers to recall some of their worst first dates, boy, did they give us a lot of material to work with. Here are our winners, plus a whole host of dishonorable mentions.
SOME REAL WINNERS
Born to Be Mild: I should have known that when my ex-boyfriend set me up on a blind date, it was a bad omen. He told me the guy had long hair, drove a motorcycle and liked U2. So far so good. When “Bono” called and arranged to pick me up on his motorcycle, I was intrigued. But what my ex had failed to tell me was the Bono was several inches shorter and about 30 pounds lighter than me, geeky and awkward. OK, I thought, I’ll give it a try anyway. Well, it was the 90s, and I had the “Rachel” haircut—think poufy layers that required a lot of blow-drying and product. Except that to ride on the motorcycle, I had to put on a stocking cap (“So your head won’t sweat,” advised Bono) and then a helmet. By the time we arrived at dinner, my hair was plastered to my head. We suffered through a boring, uncomfortable meal, not to mention I felt like an Amazon straddling him on the back of the bike. When we got to my place he walked me to the door and said, “Well, should I kiss you?” Dude, if you have to ask, the answer is “No.” – Liz, District of Columbia
Falling Teeth and Homicidal Exes: I met a guy online—he looked like a Roman Gladiator in his pics. So we meet at some Mexican restaurant and he shows up with a cheap bouquet of flowers and teas for me to sleep well. Which was fine, except he was no gladiator. I was wearing heels and I could see the top of his bald head. I don’t mind bald—but I mind that he tried to hide it in his photos. During dinner—I kid you not—his teeth fell into his food! And he proceeded to tell me about his three ex-wives, the last of whom had tried to stab him over some “trivial argument”! I suffered through dinner while he told me how much he liked me because I wasn’t “star struck.” He was apparently a guitar player at the local church and thought he was Justin Bieber. There was no second date! –Erika, Florida
Read Related: Relationships Doomed From the Start
Praying for It to End: He was the new guy in high school. Really cute, and I really liked him. After a few weeks, he asked me out to a “youth event” at his church. It turned out it was a Friday night youth gathering of a weeklong Baptist Revival. Not being particularly religious and somewhat out of my element, I tried to politely sit and count the minutes until the date would be over and I could get home. About halfway through the service, the minister called all the sinners to come forward, repent their sins and be born again. My date got a death grip on my arm and led me to the altar! Along with a group of other teens I received the minister’s blessing and we all stood at the altar while the congregation prayed and held up their arms in adoration and maybe spoke in tongues, I’m not sure. The memory is clouded by the embarrassment I felt having everyone think I’d had a spiritual conversion. When we were finally on the way home, he held my hand in the car the whole way. I had a moment of anticipation as he walked me to the door. I really liked this guy, and I had even asked my father to leave the porch light off! Standing in the doorway, holding hands, I thought the evening might not be a total washout. My date leaned in, squeezed my hands, and I closed my eyes in anticipation. Voice barely above a whisper, he asked, “Do you want to pray?” I passed. – Ruth, Missouri
Wardrobe Malfunction: I had a great evening with a new date… dinner, a few underage drinks and lots of conversation. We pulled up within a block of my house, but far away from streetlights and curious neighbors and started to steam up the windows—I mean, really steam up the windows. My date started to ease my loose-weave sweater up over my head, only to have it snag on my dangling pierced earrings, entrapping not only my hands but holding my ear captive to my shoulder. Even after I got my arms free, the damn thing was snagged in the sweater resulting in the dome light being turned on and with considerable assistance from my date, I was finally freed. Left ear bleeding, sweater twisted around my neck, the mood was past. I dated the guy again, but I always wore small, stud earrings and cardigans. – Carol, Maryland
Gangsta Style: It was my first date with my future husband! We were walking out of his apartment in East New York, Brooklyn and if anyone knows that area they know it’s pretty rough! As soon as we got on the sidewalk, shots were fired! My instinct told me to drop and play dead! My body hit the pavement, back on the ground, feet apart, and tongue out, like I was dead. I had watched too many gangsta movies before and saw that your best bet to coming out safe from a drive-by was to play the role, and that I did! I remember my date screaming, “Elena!!!” I guess I looked convincing. He shook me a few times after it was over, and when I knew the coast was clear I opened my eyes. We laugh about it now, but I will never forget the look of fear on his face. – Elena, New York
Pandora’s Box: Oh, do I really wanna go there? The outstanding feature I remember is the extraordinary number of first dates who announced that they were married. It must have been something I was wearing in my late 20s that attracted the married sort. Then there was the charmer whose opening line was what a fantastic second-wife I’d make! Really? You’re leading with this? So, most of my first dates never turned into second dates. But I learned to walk away rather quickly, which brings me to the funny places I walked from. A barely stopped car at a busy NYC intersection, a crystal chandelier-draped restaurant, an elevator in the Chrysler building, E92nd Street (all the way back down to the East Village), Dean & DeLucca, a lingerie dressing room (Yikes, I know!), a boarding gate in JFK, someone’s 6th birthday party, and someone else’s wedding. And those are the ones my memory LETS me remember! – Sally, Montreal
Depression Magnet: How about the guy who smelled so bad I had to keep pushing my chair away from the table, and finally faked a headache to escape? Or the one who confessed the serious, earth-shaking problem that he was coping with: he was unable to find a shower curtain with little duckies on it, and he said he was having depression problems because of it. And then there was the one who announced that he is an incurable depressive in the first 20 minutes of conversation… Talk about charm! And people wondered why I was single for so long! – Vivian, North Carolina
Snow Job: My car got stuck in a snowdrift, and I left my date in the car to walk several miles in said snowstorm to find a friend with a 4-wheel drive vehicle to pull the car from the snow. She ended up leaving with my friend in the 4-wheeler after he got the car unstuck. Oh, well. The price one pays for a decent tow-job. – Steve, Michigan
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS
I thought splitting the check on a first date was a gesture of respect! Who knew? – John, California
The night when the seam of my pants split (but I didn’t know) leaving a gaping hole in the back. I was a poor college student and because I hadn’t done laundry in a few weeks, I was going commando! – Juli, Florida.
The guy who showed up with three cell phones…”This one’s for work, and these for my crazy baby mamas.” Seriously. – Molly, New York
The date with the doctor who was so cheap that he brought a drug rep to pay for dinner, only to get away through a fake phone call. – Maria, Ohio
Mine involved him answering the door wearing bunny slippers (he wasn’t trying to be humorous) and ended with him chasing me to my car for a kiss! – Nadine, Georgia
I was set up on a blind date, and all the woman could talk about was herself. Her life apparently consisted largely of hating her job and sun bathing. – Glenn, Vermont
We got to talking about politics—big mistake, right?—and the guy said a certain candidate was “too Jewish to be president.” I left the bigot sitting at the bar, and let him pick up the tab. – Betsy, Virginia
So what was your worst first date? Come on! Don’t be shy! Tell us in Comments, below:
