The Super Bowl is upon us once again. This February 2, the Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks will face off at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey, and the event will be watched by more than 100 million people in the United States alone. Presumably, most of those people watch the Super Bowl voluntarily. But if you’re one of those individuals who feels forced to endure the four-hour testosterone-fest, here is our very lighthearted, step-by-step Super Bowl Sunday Survival Guide.
Step 1. Escape if you can. There’s no rule that says you must stay home and watch the Super Bowl, even if members of your household insist. Stock the cooler with beer and soft drinks, prepare some make-ahead Super Bowl snacks with explicit instructions on how to reheat them come game time, and get the hell out of the house. Find one or more football-loathing friends and hit the nail salon, movie theatre or your favorite restaurant (where you know there’ll be no TVs tuned into the game!).
Step 2. Ask lots of annoying questions. So let’s say your other half insists that you stay home for the big game. Here’s one way to make sure he (or she) never makes that mistake again: ask lots of annoying questions about the game. “What’s a second down?” “Why did they get a penalty?” “Why does that player look so mad?” “How long is each quarter?” “Which team are we rooting for again?” He’ll be so exasperated with trying to explain the nuances of the game to you that next year, he’ll make the mani/pedi and dinner reservation for you!
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Step 3. Enjoy the commercials. With a good book or your tablet or laptop, you can keep yourself entertained on the couch until the next round of commercials, which for many are the best part of the game. Advertisers spend an estimated $4 million to buy a 30-second ad during the Super Bowl. Maybe that’s small change to reach 100 million viewers—but the upshot is that Super Bowl ads are some of the funniest, most creative and highly anticipated ads of the year.
Step 4. Rock out to the halftime show. Thanks to the past antics of Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake and M.I.A., the Super Bowl halftime show is often as talked about as the game. This year, Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers will provide the halftime entertainment, and are sure to offer a sampling of their biggest hits. It’s worth suffering through the first half of the game to see these two talented acts put on an energetic live set.
Step 5. Get drunk. Okay, we’re kidding, a little. But if everyone else is cracking brewskies and enjoying a raucous party, why not join them? If you’re a football hater, you may get tipsy enough to actually start following the game. Just make sure you’re rooting for the right team!
Step 6. Watch the Puppy Bowl! If you don’t think those NFL players are all that cute and cuddly, may we recommend…the Puppy Bowl! Animal Planet’s 10th annual answer to the Super Bowl airs Feb. 2 at 3 pm, and pairs two teams of painfully cute pound puppies, and pits them against one another in an adorable gridiron contest. Expect lots of fumbles, interceptions, and piddles on the floor.
See, there are lots of fun ways to survive Super Bowl Sunday. If you’re not a football fan but know you’ll be “forced” to tune in to the big game, tell us how you plan to survive it in Comments, below!