Matchmaking is great option for those seeking love, but it can be expensive! Also, with the multitude of dating sites, social media platforms and referrals from friends and family, it’s very tough out there for singles. So, doing it yourself may be the best option!
Here are my the three steps for becoming your own matchmaker:
1. Prepare to match yourself: In getting ready to find your match, the most important thing to do is to manage your own expectations, and get your attitude in check. What are you expecting from a partner? Who are you expecting to meet? Keeping your expectations in check is essential for all daters. Do you have a precise,19 point “do or die” list, or are you open to meeting anyone you might be compatible with? Every qualification you set on a potential mate limits the amount of people in your dating pool. Decide what you need and eliminate the rest. In regards to your attitude, positivity is key! No one is looking for someone miserable. Developing a pre-matching mindset of openness and positivity is so important. Feeling down on dating? Convinced that there are no good men out there? Then now is not the time to be looking. Take a detox and focus on you until your positivity returns.
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2. Find your match. I am asked daily, “Where can I meet people?” and the answer is, everywhere! However, the better question is, “Where do I go to find the kind of man I’m looking to meet?” As a matchmaker, I go out a lot, and I meet a ton of people with the intent of finding potential matches for my clients. If my client is looking for a woman who is focused on health, I go to yoga classes and seminars on healthy eating. If my client is looking for a man in the financial industry, I head to Wall Street at happy hour. The goal is not to go where you want to go, but to go to the places that your match might be. Think of your perfect mate, and then ask yourself where he is spending time. Meetup.com is one of my favorite resources for opening up those possibilities. Looking for a guy who loves to hike? Join a hiking meet-up. Want a man who loves fine wines? There are hundreds of wine connoisseur meet-ups available.
3. Pace the relationship. Part of being a matchmaker is being on call when that budding relationship is the most fragile. You met your potential soul mate, but you are afraid of things burning out or cooling off too quickly. Pacing in a new relationship is key! As a matchmaker, my goal isn’t to find my clients their next fling, but their next life partner. This requires a foundation of love and trust—which doesn’t develop overnight. So in order to pace yourself as your own matchmaker, you need to remind yourself of three things:
1) Sex cannot be reduced to an arbitrary “rule” (like the 3 Date Rule).
2) Let the guy lead.
3) Just keep dating.
Experts have hundreds of opposing opinions on sex in a new relationship. My “rule”? Get to know him first, and know yourself before you jump in bed. Sex can accelerate a relationship from 0-60 before it is ready. Dating him for a bit before things heat up will prevent you from attaching artificial hormonal feelings (hello oxytocin!) to someone you have only been on two dates with. Secondly, ladies—let the men lead! Men are biologically hunters, and when you are always the one texting, emailing, calling, and planning, you take that away from them (and often scare them away). Let the man set the pace, and don’t one up him in the early stages. Thirdly, until you are in an exclusive relationship, keep dating other people. This will keep the pressure off the budding relationship you are dying to have work, and provide you with more than one egg in your proverbial basket.
NYC-based Rachel DeAlto is a communications and relationships expert, life, love and business coach, matchmaker, flirting expert, keynote speaker, media personality, and the author of the bestseller, Flirt Fearlessly.