The process of non-violent communication was developed in the 1960’s by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. who believed that “what others do may be a stimulus of our feelings, but no the cause.” He based all of his teachings and self-help books on the notion that if we focus on what is right and wrong, as opposed to what has been done to us and how others have behaved, then we will be able to thrive and live to our full potential.
So how does NVC even work? And if it’s such an obviously superior way of communicating, why doesn’t everyone do it? Let’s talk about the how first. The first step to non-violent communication is to take note of what is happening around you, simply by observing, not by judging. Step 2 is to consider how those observations make you feel, and step 3 is to decide what you need based on your values and emotions. The last step is the most crucial one—you need to learn to clearly request what you would like without demanding, the key words being “clearly request.” You don’t need to use force, attitude or anger to get your point across, you need to simple ask nicely for what you need to enrich your life. But you need to be concise and to the point.
