You’d think in 2026 we’d be past this. But no—I once watched a professional captain on a cruise ship point to the port side and call it “the other side.” His own crew pretended they didn’t hear him.
The History of Port and Starboard - The Scuba News
And let’s be real: when you’re on a deck lounger, half-asleep in the sun, and someone screams “Look, port side!”—you freeze. Is it the left? The right? The side with the pineapple on the towel? We’ve all been there.
The irony is that “port” sounds like “starboard’s” awkward cousin who always gets left out of photos. But on a ship, being left out is literally your job description.
Why not just say “left”? (The real tea)
Try shouting “left!” on a rolling, pitching deck with waves crashing and engines roaring. The word “left” gets swallowed by the wind. “Port” has a sharp, punchy P sound that cuts through noise.
Also, imagine the chaos if a navy admiral said “turn left” and the helmsman thought “my left or the ship’s left?” That’s how you crash into a pier. “Port” is unambiguous.
So yes, there is a method to the madness. It’s not just maritime snobbery—it’s survival.
