You get three types of protesters. The first is the professional sign-waver. This person has a laminated placard, a whistle, and a detailed schedule. They’re retired and have been protesting since the 1970s. They protest the weather change because “it’s about the principle.”
The second type is the trendy anarchist. They’ve dyed their hair purple, wear a vintage bandana, and carry a megaphone. They’ll shout about the “corporate dystopia of oat milk monopolies” while sipping a flat white from a cardboard cup. The irony is so thick you could spread it on toast.
The third type is the accidental participant. This is the tourist who wandered into the march thinking it was a queue for the Harry Potter Studio Tour. They’ll hold a sign that says, and the crowd will cheer because they think it’s a metaphor for educational funding cuts.
Pro Tip: How to Survive
If you see a massive crowd wearing pink fezzes and chanting about “The Great Sock Liberation Front,” do not make eye contact. Just go with it. Smile, nod, and pretend you’re heading to a birthday party. The key is to look busy. Londoners have mastered the “I’m late for a very important meeting” face, which stops even the most passionate protester from handing you a flyer.
London protests: Thousands march through capital in day of protest
Also, don’t expect the protest to actually change anything. That’s not the point. The point is the vibe. It’s about community bonding over shared grievances, like the high price of chai tea lattes or the fact that the Tube smells like a damp sock. One protest last year was for “better ventilation on buses.” It ended with everyone getting free nose plugs from the organizers.
