I’m not going to lie: this beta is trash for anyone who likes normal games. But if you’re the kind of person who finds joy in watching paint dry while a digital clown whispers “You are enough” into your ear, this is your paradise. It’s like a meditation app designed by a sadistic AI with a sense of humor.
One final warning: the game tracks your playtime via a creepy clock that appears in your fridge. If you haven’t logged in for a week, the clock starts playing bagpipes. Bagpipes. At 3 AM. You’ll log back in just to make it stop, and then you’ll notice you’re already at level 15. And it’s been two years.
Good luck. May your fishing rod never catch regret. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go “Appreciate a rock” for my mother-in-law’s birthday.
