So, when does the Lions game start tonight? Check your local listings, then add 17 minutes for commercials, player introductions, and the obligatory shot of a fan wearing a lion costume in the stands. Then subtract 4 minutes for a referee conference that takes longer than a DMV visit.
You’ll still miss the first snap. It’s a law of nature. Lions games expand and contract time like a deflating football. Embrace the chaos. Tell your family you’ll be late. And if all else fails, just scream “KICKOFF!” at your TV until someone confirms it. That’s how we did it in the old days, and we survived the 0-16 season. Barely.
Now go find that chip dip and adjust your expectations. The Lions might win, lose, or invent a new way to break your heart before dessert. But at least you’ll know what time to break it. Probably 8:15-ish.
