Honestly? Probably not. The Defcon system is a tool for the military, not a buzzfeed quiz for your anxiety. We haven’t touched Defcon 2 since 1962, and we’ve learned a lot from our mistakes. Also, most nuclear war scares were stopped by regular dudes named Stanislav and Vasili. The real heroes are the ones who say, “Hey, maybe double-check that screen.”
But here’s the kicker: You don’t have to worry about Defcon 1 because it means you’re already dead. Or, at least, your internet is gone. So relax. The highest Defcon level reached is just a historical footnote—a reminder that we’re all idiots with big buttons, but we also have the good sense not to push them. Yet.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to buy a bunker on Etsy and a pack of hot dogs. Just in case.
