A Man's Guide to Valentine's Day-SliderPhoto

A Man's Guide to Valentine's Day-MainPhoto
Ah, here comes Valentine’s Day, yet again. Valentine’s Day, the Super Bowl of dates. Most men have to be reminded about this day. Thank God for all the red decor at the grocery store and the ads on TV. Because we know it’s a super-important day for our significant other, but sometimes we fail to pay attention because…we’re men.

So ladies, as the big day approaches, be compassionate with us and cut us a little slack. Remember, Valentine’s Day is for both men and women. It’s not just your day. We deserve some attention too. We’re cool with taking you out and having a nice dinner, being romantic, buying you a little bling. We want to make you happy, really. It’s just that…we’re men.

If your man is allergic to sushi but you like it, don’t insist he take you for sushi. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to go to his favorite steak joint, although that would be nice. Compromise. Go to the place that serves what you both like. Help your man out. Ask him about the places he’d like to go. When you both have made a decision, you make the reservations. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just that, well…we’re men.

Now on to the touchy subject of gift-giving. Instead of waiting for him to get you what you secretly wish for and then feeling disappointed when he buys you a vacuum cleaner, give him a hand. Drop a few hints: circle the negligee you like in the Victoria’s Secret catalogue and leave it open by the TV remote or in the bathroom. Some place where he can find it. Or let him overhear your conversation with a friend about how you’d love those diamond earrings they sell at Zales. If all else fails, ask him to come with you to check out a pair of leather boots or high-heeled sandals you’re thinking of buying. But remember to treat him to Five Guys or pizza after you’re done touring the store. Don’t forget…we’re men.

Read Related: 5 Special Ways to Show Him You’re Grateful

When getting ready for your Valentine’s date, think sexy. Stilettos, a little black dress, new hair color, manicured nails. Men love that. We’re thrilled when we see our women looking as stunning and confident as Batwoman. But just don’t nag us about dressing up. We’re not little children, although we might act like it sometimes. We want this Valentine’s deal to take off without a hitch. It’s best if you simply suggest he wear the sharkskin suit, or the leather jacket. Say, I love how you look in this. Just remember…we’re men.

However the date goes, whatever present he bought you, no matter how he acted—unless of course he was a real ass—please forgive him. We’re men. What’s important here is the effort. If he actually shaved, took you to a restaurant you enjoyed, didn’t order the cheapest wine, refrained from picking at your food, and let you eat most of his dessert, he’s a winner. More so if he even bought you the bling. Maybe it wasn’t the diamond earrings you wanted, but everyone needs a brooch of some sort. It will come in handy. That’s how we think. We’re men.

Finally the sex. Here’s where you shine. If you’re hitched to the right guy, most of the time he’s the one initiating sex, helping you undress, spending hours on foreplay because that’s what you like. Telling you how beautiful you are and how much he loves you. And he’s always having to control himself during intercourse, counting backwards and thinking of elephants, waiting for you to climax so he can finally let loose. But not tonight. Tonight you can show off that negligee he bought you last Valentine’s Day—that you’ve never worn. Tonight you tell him to relax, that you love him because he makes you feel safe. Make sure you compliment the size of his manhood. Then skip the foreplay and get right to business. Let him climax as quickly as he wants. Then allow him go right to sleep. I mean, c’mon, we’re men. And it’s Valentine’s Day for us, too, after all.