She’s dating a loser, and everyone—including her, deep down inside—knows it. You and other friends have consoled her when he’s dumped her for the umpteenth time, and then smiled through gritted teeth when they got back together, again. She knows she needs to get out of the relationship, but “love” or codependence or straight-up masochism are keeping her in. Short of hiring a hitman to off the bad boyfriend (and really, that would just make a martyr out of him and she’d love him even more after he was dead), there’s nothing you can do to make her see the light.

You know how bright, funny and loveable your friend can be. That is, when she’s not using. But when she’s drunk, high, or coming down from one or the other, she’s selfish and miserable. She’s self-destructive and self-loathing, and nights out with her begin with you being fearful of what kind of trouble she might get in, and end with you trying to bail her out of said trouble. She’s no fun to be around, yet you still go out with her out of a sense of responsibility, and maybe because you’re hoping to get a glimpse of the real, fun friend you know is in there, the one you’ve known since high school or college. But until she sobers up, you won’t be seeing much of that friend.