Here’s a funny nugget: The stadiums themselves aren’t the only thing that’s confusing. The World Cup has multiple groups playing in the same venues on different days. England could practice in Boston, then fly 3,000 miles to Seattle, only to find their hotel is next to a 24-hour doughnut shop.
And the weather? In Boston in June, it’s humid and hot. In Seattle, it’s mild and rainy. In LA, it’s perfect—unless there’s a wildfire. The FA’s meteorologist is going to need a raise and a therapist.
One more fact to impress your mates: The opening match for the entire tournament is in Mexico City at the Estadio Azteca. England won’t be there for that, but it’s a lovely reminder that the whole show is a chaotic, transcontinental circus.
So, Where Will England Play?
Let’s sum it up like a truther’s guide to the World Cup map:
Group stage: Boston, Seattle, LA.
Round of 32: Philly or San Fran.
Quarter-finals: Atlanta.
Semi-finals: Dallas or Atlanta again.
Final: New Jersey (home of the “Jersey Shore” and a thousand traffic jams).
In short? Everywhere. England will play everywhere except England. So pack your bags, buy a fan scarf with a stadium map on it, and prepare for the most jet-lagged, bewildering, and deliciously American World Cup campaign in history. And if they lose? At least we can blame the time zones. It’s the English way.
