THE BREAKING POINT
You’ve seen it happen in Target. A frazzled mom freaks out because her kid has been touching everything within his reach and that box of tampons was the last straw. It happens to me. I yell. I lose it.
The perfect mom standard feels hundreds of miles away. There is nothing worse than seeing your kid’s face after you yell. When this happens, I’m up at 3 a.m. ashamed, anxious and talking to myself. How could I do that? It’s okay; they know you didn’t mean it. Do they still know I love them? Yes they do. (I feel a bit like Gollum and Sméagol here, the two halves of a hobbit gone bad.) Then I go into their bedrooms and give them hugs while they are sleeping.
This article is wonderful but there is a troubling assumption underpinning it all. Why do you feel guilty because ONCE you didn’t immediately stop what you were doing to praise your daughter’s drawing? You didn’t have time at that moment and your work *is* important. What’s wrong with that? Your tone may have been bit sharp but the sooner children realize they are not the centers of the universe the healthier they will be. Development experts are now coming to realize that stopping your life every instant your child demands attention is not only responsible for parent burnout – it is also potentially harmful for your children. Being the center of the universe can actually be a tremendous burden. My guess is you praise them and their projects more often than not. You spend hours of your life supporting them, nurturing them, giving them your full attention. So forgive yourself for snapping AND stop beating yourself for your words. Think of the positive example your vocation is setting for your daughters.