- Insults you and belittles you.
- Prevents you from going places, such as to work, classes, school.
- Doesn’t allow you to see family members or friends.
- Tries to control how you spend money, where you go or even what you wear.
- Is jealous, possessive or accuses you of being unfaithful.
- Lashes out at you when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
- Threatens you physically or with a weapon.
- Does any sort of beating: Hitting, kicking, shoving, slapping.
- Assaults you while you are your weakest—like after you’ve had a few drinks, or while you’re sleeping.
- Forces you to have sex against your will.
- Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it.
- Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual.
I’ve met men who’ve been emotionally abused by their spouses. Although from the outside the abuse was very clear, these men just couldn’t get away from their abusive partners. They seemed to be stuck in codependent relationships. They would speak of their terrible stories but sadly, most thought they deserved the bad treatment. Some wanted to leave but couldn’t because they felt their wife or girlfriend needed them. Others truly believed their wives really loved them and were just going through a phase—even if it was a ten year long phase.
There are very few studies or resources for abused men, because so few report domestic violence due to the stigma. If more men were to speak up, perhaps more resources would be available. Here are two: