You will buy something you do not need. For me, it was a tin of “Edinburgh Fog” tea that tasted vaguely of unicorn sadness and rain. My wife bought a “Scottish Unicorn” plushie, because hey, Scotland’s national animal is the unicorn. A surprising fact that the shop leverages mercilessly. They even sell unicorn-shaped whisky stones. Because why use ice when you can use a mythical beast that’s freezing your single malt?
The real joke is the price of the postcards. You can buy the exact same card at a shop down the Royal Mile for 50p. Inside the castle? It’s £2.50. But you are trapped. You’re already inside the wall, the drawbridge is metaphorical raised, and your hand is reaching for the wallet. Resistance is futile. It’s the “Historic Environment Scotland” tax, and we pay it with a smile and a broken bank account.
Toilet Paper with a Coat of Arms
I swear they sell everything. I saw a toilet roll printed with the Scottish lion rampant. Who is that for? Imagine a guest coming over: “Oh, just using the royal loo, are we? Very posh.” And then there are the thistle-shaped cookie cutters, the “Outlander” trinkets (none from the actual show, but close enough to confuse you), and the tartan dog collars for a pet you don’t even own.
Castle Gift Shop, Casatlehill, Edinburgh - Shop Window
My hands-down favorite was the bagpipe-playing robot teddy bear. It cost £85. Its eyes glowed red when you squeezed its paw. I’m not saying it was cursed, but I’m also not not saying that. It sits on the shelf for one purpose: to scare children and empty the pockets of dads who think it’s hilarious.
