Latinas often grow up in strict households where the rules are usually much harsher for girls. This repression and double standard can be upsetting and confusing. Ana, 38, for example, said she wasn’t allowed to shave her legs, sleep over at friends’ houses, wear make up until she was 15, or stay out past 11 pm. My mother had very similar rules. I remember, for instance, that I was punished for shaving my legs at 13 even though I only did it to avoid the ridicule of my classmates. I knew that these kinds of rules had traveled from my mother’s hometown in rural Mexico and that she did not understand how repressive they were in this culture and era, but it was still incredibly frustrating.
Wow, I had no idea the rate of suicide was so high among latinas!
I have struggled with depression and suicide problems and I feel that as I discover how to navigate life picking up the pieces and getting stronger I need to talk openly about it. The Latin community hardly ever accepts dealing with mental illness. There is such a huge taboo. I think it’s just hurting us. The more we talk about it matter of factly the more comfortable we’ll get with it.
Oh boy can I relate to this. I wrote my master’s thesis on U.S. born daughters and their relationship with their immigrant Latina mothers. Such a complicated relationship, one that I have experienced first hand, so I guess I figured I’d use my college education to try to figure it out. Its better now that I’m older but we still have our difficult moments. One thing that helped shift things was me learning to have more compassion for how difficult it must of have been for her to raise me when I was so hell bent on being different. Once during an argument she actually told me that she had no idea how to raise me and that, strangely enough, was probably the most validating thing she’s ever said and the thing that sort of started to turn things around.
One thing I can never get past though is that double standard… even though my youngest brother is almost thirty now, we still have arguments over that double standard- of the past and the present.
Wow, one of the many reasons I love Amy Tan is that she gets the whole immigrant mother-daughter relationship. It’s amazing knowing that I’m not alone in this.
Great article! I could relate with the authors experience growing up.