6.  Crush the goods
The best way to kick a man’s groin is not straight-legged, as commonly thought. The best thing is to try to kick between the legs with the shinbone, from under, so you can really strike with the bone onto that very delicate parcel of testicles.

7. Slap ‘em
Another great way to strike the testicles is with a slap. With an open hand, literally give a hard slap to the groin. People think kicking is a good idea, but the problem is that it’s expected. When you are close to your attacker and you slap his groin, he’ll move his pelvis away, and his hands will come down to protect his goods. You can stick his eye again, and then he doubles over and you run.

8. Tase the mofo
Arm yourself with a taser, which is legal and which you can get anywhere, and simultaneously live out your wildest Jack Bauer dreams.