Most women who are happily married never thought of having to leave our husbands (although I admit I had the fantasy, after some particularly odious discussion, to have my own apartment 5 kms from my husband). The thing is that we considered not have to move, stay alone or start over. But … maybe we should.
I’m not boycotting the institution of marriage or suggesting that we should all start looking for a solution to it … but … if you had to leave your husband, would you know what to do? Surely most of us were economically independent women before marriage, we had our own homes and we paid our bills. But, when we marry, we lost a lot of that power power and economic independence because we work less or not to raise children, or household expenses have become so large that it takes two incomes to keep.
See also: Maria Marin, tips on relationships
What if things got bad and had to leave? What if your husband becomes an alcoholic or drug addict or, God forbid, it becomes violent? Do you have a plan B? And by “plan B” I do not mean to go to live in a shelter for battered women, although this is of course the first and most safe passage for women when things get dangerous at home. What I mean is: how you’d keep children alone and, if you have them? In what would you work to pay the bills and the rent? Logistics and functionally … how would your day?
When I get angry with my husband and I envision a small city apartment for my daughter, my dog and I, I really do not intend to keep my fantasies. It’s just a way to bring back the person I was before having husband and daughter, the unmarried girl who attended his own business and did not have to answer to anyone (not even had to argue with anyone). Anyway it is a useful exercise. Although I doubt that one day things get to a point where you need to move (at least I hope!), As you would imagine it reminds me a chance and you always have a backup plan. I know what it would take an apartment, how to lead and bring my daughter from school, and I have an idea how to balance work and caring for the child. I know what friends lend me money without thinking, if the time came to do.
So, I am not advising you to find ways out of our marriages. The institution today is fragile and we need to make it even weaker than it is, but the reality is that none of us got married thinking of a divorce. Still, about half of all marriages in America end in separation. Divorces where there are children involved and other matters relevant employing lawyers in maintenance and custody arrangements. It is as simple as a broken-hearted woman looking for a new space. Perhaps a mom with kids is stay home and her husband move. Still, one must have a plan to go forward alone , your way … it’s even good for us, married, to never forget what it was … but that road has never tour again be alone. .
