You can bring a sealed plastic water bottle, but it has to be empty. Why? Because the water you brought from home is “untrustworthy.” The stadium prefers you pay $8 for a bottle of water that tastes faintly of regret and chlorine.
You can also bring one small blanket. But if it’s fuzzy, they will test it for contraband using a special “Fuzz-o-Meter 3000.” Diapers are allowed (for babies, obviously, not for you, although we don’t judge your anxiety levels).
Medically necessary items get a pass, but be prepared for a 20-minute interrogation. “Is this insulin or a tiny hip flask of vodka?” the security guard will ask, winking. It’s almost always the insulin, but they have to check.
The Forbidden List (A Comedy of Errors)
You cannot bring backpacks of any kind. Not even a small “hydration pack” that holds exactly three sips of water. It is considered a “threat to the structural integrity of the fun.”
Fresno State Campus News | Kids Ag Camp and 'Ag-in-a-Bag' kits
You cannot bring selfie sticks. Why? Because the Fresno State Athletics Department has decided that you, specifically, do not have good enough arm-to-face ratio to take a photo without assistance. Also, they’re apparently weaponizable. A selfie stick is considered a Class 3 offensive weapon, right up there with nunchucks and bad hot dogs.
And for the love of all that is holy, no umbrella. Not even a tiny one. The policy states that umbrellas “obstruct views and may be used to vault over the concession stand.” You laugh, but someone tried it. It did not end well; they cleared the nacho station by 15 feet.
