Now, let’s address the elephant in the room—or rather, the kale in the smoothie. Everyone claims they want a “light, healthy” brunch. Liars. You’re just trying to justify the two mimosas that will follow.
If you must pretend, head to Farmacy in Notting Hill. It’s a plant-based wonderland where the “cheesy” sauce is made from cashews and lies. The food is actually delicious, but here’s the twist: the portions are so small you’ll need a second mortgage to afford a snack an hour later. But hey, you’ll feel virtuous while you’re hangry.
Surprising fact: some of these “clean” brunch spots sneak more sugar into their granola bowls than a Krispy Kreme doughnut. So don’t judge the greasy spoon around the corner—it’s just being honest about your arteries.
The Greasy Spoon That Deserves a Knighthood
Sometimes you need a full English breakfast so heavy it could anchor a cruise ship. Enter The Regency Cafe in Westminster. This place has been serving sausages and fried bread since 1946, and the decor hasn’t changed because why fix what isn’t broken?
The moment you step inside, the lady behind the counter will shout your order at you like you’re a misbehaving terrier. You’ll sit at a Formica table next to a cabbie and a Member of Parliament, all united by the silent understanding that HP Sauce is a condiment, not a lifestyle choice. The fried slice? It’s so crispy it could double as body armor.
Best part: the price. For under a tenner, you get a plate that will haunt your digestive system for three days. That’s not a warning; that’s a value proposition.
Best brunch spots in West London | Horton and Garton
