First things first: stop screaming. I know, it’s reflex. But screaming sends blood everywhere, and you’ll look like a crime scene. Breathe through your mouth. It’s undignified, but so is a nose that points east while the rest of your face points west. Get a tissue. One tissue. Dabbing, not wiping. Think of your nose as a very expensive, very fragile Fabergé egg that is currently leaking.
Ice is your new best friend. No, really — now. Grab a bag of frozen peas, wrap it in a dish towel (do NOT just slap bare ice on it, you heathen), and hold it there. Apply gentle pressure. You’re not trying to straighten it, just telling the swelling, “Hey, calm down, champ.” This won’t fix the break, but it will stop your face from looking like a blowfish. Trust me on that.
