So, how old is the River Thames? The most honest answer is: it’s complicated. But if you had to pin it down with a joke, you’d say it’s between 30 and 58 million years old, with a 10,000-year-old head and a minor identity crisis.
It’s old enough to have seen glaciers come and go, young enough to still be annoying estate agents with flood plains, and ancient enough that the first human to see it probably thought, “That looks wet. I’m not touching it.” And they were right.
So raise a glass of murky Thames water (please don’t actually drink it) to the river that’s older than the Alps, shorter than it used to be, and somehow still flowing through a city that keeps building things on top of it. The Thames isn’t just a river. It’s a time traveler with a sense of humor.
And if you ever feel old yourself, just remember: the river you’re looking at was here before the mountains. You’re just a passenger on its muddy, hilarious journey.
