First up, the usual suspects. Queen Elizabeth’s School in Barnet is, surprise surprise, still sitting pretty at the top. If you breathe near their exam results, you might get an A*.
But wait—The Henrietta Barnett School is right on their heels. These girls didn’t just ace their GCSEs; they apparently invented new ways to study. I’m naming my next spreadsheet after them.
And then there’s Chelsea Academy. Not exactly a shocker, but they’ve shot up the list like a rocket in 2026. Rumor has it they bribed the league tables with excellent pastries. I’m not saying it’s true, but I’m not saying it’s false.
Grammar Schools: The Usual Suspects
Grammar schools are still dominating, because let’s face it, they’re basically academic boot camps with better uniforms. Pate’s Grammar School in Cheltenham is a machine. If they had a motto, it’d be “No homework left behind.”
And St. Olave’s Grammar School? They’re so good at exams, they probably have a trophy room that’s also a small city. You’d need a map to find their pride wall.
But here’s the thing: not everyone can get in. If you didn’t pass the 11-plus, you’re not alone—I still write “I tried my best” on my CV. These schools are fierce, but they’re not for everyone.
