Your stay includes a hand-crafted welcome gift. Last I checked, it involved a crystal decanter shaped like a swan. And nuts. Very important, very premium nuts.
You also get access to the private library. It’s not a library where you borrow books. It’s a library where you sip champagne and pretend to read ancient legal volumes while wearing a robe that cost more than my rent.
Breakfast is included, but not continental. We’re talking bespoke breakfast. You don’t order eggs. You dictate a manifesto about how you want your eggs. The chef will craft a “signature eggscape.” I’m not making that up. Probably.
The Absolute Cheekiest Bonus
The suite comes with a chauffeur-driven Bentley for two hours. Not a loaner. A Bentley. You can get driven to the corner shop to buy milk. The driver will open the door, wait for you, and then drive you back. If the milk costs £2, the ride costs £24,998.
London's most expensive hotel suites – Luxury London
Here’s the most surprising fact: they explicitly do not list the price on their public website. You have to call them. It’s like a secret handshake for billionaires. “Hello, I’d like to sleep in a room that costs more than a semester at Oxford. Please connect me with your ‘mystery price’ person.”
And if you’re daring—and totally insane—you can book the Royal Suite for a month. That’s about £750,000. For the price of one year of stay, you could buy a small house in Scotland. Or, you know, live in a slightly larger house for thirty days.
