Forensic officers later examined the microwave. They found three fingerprints, a bit of old cheese, and a note inside that read "Return if broken." It was not a weapon; it was a prop in a one-man play about consumer frustration. The police admitted the "incident" was a category error—they responded to a "man with a microwave," which sounds like a panic-inducing band name.
Police respond to incident in Dagenham as car crashes into barrier
Social Media Explodes (But Not in a Good Way)
Naturally, the internet lost its collective mind. #DagenhamMicrowaveSiege trended for a full thirty seconds before being replaced by a cat video. One user live-tweeted: "Man raises microwave above head. Police retreat. This is the Battle of the Bulge if the bulge was a faulty appliance." Another claimed to have seen a sniper on a roof, but it was actually a bloke fixing his satellite dish.
The funniest part? The local news sent a van with a satellite dish the size of a trampoline. They interviewed a woman who said, "I thought it was a terrorist, but it was just Kevin from number 42 having a meltdown over a toastie maker." Classic Dagenham: where drama and domesticity collide like a dropped plate of jellied eels.
