We love these stories because they’re absurd. Life is stressful. Wars, bills, traffic. Then a hot dog murder attempt pops up, and suddenly, the world feels a little sillier.
It’s a reminder that humans are unpredictable. We’re capable of terrible things, but also of spectacularly dumb things. This woman picked the dumbest weapon in history.
Plus, think of the memes. #HotDogAssassin. “That’s a weiner move.” “She really snapped.” The internet will feast on this for weeks.
The Unanswered Questions
Why a hot dog? Was it the only food in her fridge? Was she trying to make a statement about processed meats? We may never know.
Did she grill it first? Was it from a gas station? These are the critical details we need. Journalists, please investigate the bun-to-sausage ratio.
Ivana Lisette Ortiz Booked for Attempted Murder After…
And the guy—will he ever eat a hot dog again? Probably not. He’s forever scarred. Every July 4th barbecue will trigger PTSD.
