For the Gen-Z crowd: the Equinox weighs about as much as two Smart cars taped together with hopes and dreams. It’s not a cyber-truck, but it’s not a bicycle.
For the Boomers: it’s roughly the weight of a 1974 Ford Pinto but with airbags and Bluetooth. You remember the Pinto. You remember that it weighed about the same but had less structural integrity than a cardboard box.
See? History repeats itself, just with better cup holders.
That One Time I Forgot the Weight
I once drove an Equinox over a wooden bridge in rural Vermont that had a “3 tons” sign. I did the math in my head: 1.5 tons for the car, plus my friend Bob (who is a solid 0.2 tons on his own). We made it, but I held my breath like I was on a roller coaster.
That’s the charm of the Equinox. It’s heavy enough to make you think about physics, but light enough to not actually terrify you. It’s the Goldilocks of compact SUVs: not too heavy, not too light, just right for a trip to IKEA.
So next time you see one, give it a nod. That 3,400-pound chunk of American engineering is just waiting to take you and your mulch home safely.
