So how do you, a humble fan, survive this chaos? First, install the official Michigan football app. It will nag you like an anxious mother, sending push notifications that say “Game time TBD” until you want to throw your phone into the Huron River. Also, follow the team’s Twitter account—but be warned, they announce times at 2 PM on a random Tuesday, while you’re at work pretending to care about spreadsheets.
Finally, memorize this golden rule: If the game is at noon, add two hours for traffic. If it’s at 7:30 PM, add four hours for tailgating. And if Michigan is playing a team like Eastern Michigan on a cold November day, the actual start time is whenever you wake up from your turkey-induced coma. But regardless of when the ball is kicked, one thing is certain: You will scream, you will spill a beer, and you will ask yourself, “Why did I choose this life?”
Oh, and one more surprise: Michigan has played games at 9 AM local time—when they travel to Hawaii. That’s right, a 9 AM kickoff. That’s not football, that’s a hostage situation disguised as sport. But hey, Go Blue, right? Now pass the guacamole.
