We’ve all been to weddings where we just know the relationship is doomed from the beginning. Maybe it was even our wedding! Divorce, once a social scandal for the whole family, is no longer the catastrophe it once was. Nobody wants to go through a divorce but sometimes it’s the only way. As KISS front-man Gene Simmons says, “The biggest financial pitfall in life is divorce. And the biggest reason for divorce is marriage.”
Nobody wants a divorce and certainly, no one marries with the idea that a divorce is going to happen. But if it happens to you, take heart; you are certainly not alone. To help you look forward to the new world of singlehood, we’ve listed a few ways that being divorced may actually be good for you.
1. Divorcees Make Good Candidates Not all divorced men are damaged goods. Knowing a guy is divorced tells you a few things about him; he’s not afraid to commit; he’s learned from his mistakes; and he knows what it is like to juggle kids, work and a love life. He’s apt to be more understanding that soccer practice is more important than a coffee date. Being divorced doesn’t mean he’s a loser any more than being divorced makes you a loser.
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2. Co-Parenting is a Virtue In a divorce, both parents need to protect the kids. Too often kids assume the guilt for their parent’s breakup thinking they were not good enough or that some infraction they committed was the cause of their parent’s split. It’s important to speak positively about your ex even if you have to fake it. You may be divorced but, you’re still parents and have to live the part.
3. Building Positive Outlooks It’s easy to let the pain of divorce rule your life. It’s a lot easier to look at your divorce as a second chance at happiness. You are free to plot your own way, to make your own decisions and to build strong relationships with others. There’s a big world out there; now is your chance to enjoy it.
4. Clean Financial Slate Make good financial decisions during the divorce; you need to make sure there are funds set aside for the kid’s education and your own retirement. Financial planning during a divorce is just as important as deciding who is going to keep the car or make the health insurance payments.
5. Forging Healthy Relationships Particularly when kids are involved, it’s important to maintain cordial relationships with your ex. Start by putting the kids first and agreeing to do what is best for them. Look for the good in your ex and start by being polite when you get together. It may never be a love story again but it can be civil and maybe even enjoyable.
6. You’re a Free Agent When you start to date post-divorce is up to you; there’s no hard and fast rule. While dating to get over your ex is probably not the best idea, it’s best to do what feels right to you. With kids in the picture though, it’s sometimes best to wade back into the dating pool slowly. And be cautious about introducing your date to the kids till something solid is in the works.
7. Holidays are Survivable You can’t split up the kids like you do the furniture. Try to celebrate at least part of the holiday as the family you are even after the divorce is final. Let the kids be kids and enjoy the holiday without the drama. Let the kids help make choices about vacations and holidays.