Somehow people think that forgiveness is linked to forgetting. How can that be? Especially when those things that hurt us the most scar us. Some scars are deeper than others and others we may even be able to laugh about some day. But until then, we have to find a way to move on, and forgive even when we should not forget.
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Parents are actually specialists at this forgiving business. When their feelings are hurt by their children’s selfishness, wrong-doings and angry words, they forgive and keep loving their children. But they don’t forget, and they change strategies with their kids in the hopes that the same offenses won’t happen again.
Unfortunately, we seldom feel towards others that kind of unconditional love and willingness to forgive that we share with our kids. But, being unable to let bygones be bygones keeps us stuck in anger mode for too long.
We can replay the script of what happened by sharing with a close friend who acknowledges how we are feeling. Venting with someone who will listen may help us reshape our perception of the event.
We may conclude that we really do have a right to feel angry and betrayed. In that case we have to focus on trying to get over the hurt. We will never forget, but we will feel at peace once we forgive.
Someone hurt me deeply and it’s taking me a while to get over the hurt. Slowly but surely, as that tired phrase goes, “time heals all wounds.” It truly does. I’m at the stage where I don’t hate this person anymore. I have actually come to feel sorry for the individual and laugh at myself too for the part I played and how I allowed what happened to take place. Time does make room for perspective. I usually distance myself from the event and cut ties with the person who hurt me.
I dislike holding grudges. Sometimes I feel I even forgive too fast! But I just can´t allow myself to become obsessed, angry and depressed. I don´t, however, forget what happened. I try to use that experience to prevent it from ever occurring again. But forgiving is the only way to move forward.
