Who’s ready for some hilariously awesome mother quotes? Mother’s Day is right around the corner, which you probably know because your mother keeps reminding you (as only a mother can), or because you’ve seen that commercial for the new Mother’s Day movie every 5 minutes on every channel, all day long. But before you know it May 8th will be here, which means that you better figure out what you’re doing to celebrate, and you better prepare to honor your mother (or your wife, daughter, grandmother, friend…) ASAP. After all, being a mother is one of the hardest, most exhausting, most thankless and simultaneously most rewarding and fun jobs in the world.
There are no breaks, no days off, no paychecks, no offices and no annual reviews. Being a mom is messy and stressful and a never-ending gig that can break you down and lift you up all in a period of 5 minutes. As Janet Casey, founder and author of Tell Another Mom, writes so perfectly in an article for the Huffington Post, “being a mom is hard work, and when all your baby does is eat, poop, cry and sleep, it makes it hard to feel any sort of reward…Taking care of a newborn baby can be exhausting and overwhelming, especially for first time moms. Add to it some raging hormones and the everyday responsibilities that most women have… it’s a ticking time bomb. Sometimes the hardest part of motherhood is dealing with our own emotions.” And that doesn’t stop when the baby grows up; being a mom never really gets easy.
So what is a mom to do? How do you get through the day? It’s important to first recognize that no mother is perfect and no one has it all figured out (and if they seem like they do, they are just really good at faking it). And as anyone who has spent time raising kids knows, you need to be able to laugh at yourself and your situation. Laughter is the best medicine, and without it we’re all screwed. So to help you laugh a little, and help you celebrate the moms in your life, here are 10 hilarious mother quotes that are not only funny, but also honest and dead-on.
1. “The sleep deprivation after children is so real. I liken it to what it must feel like to walk on the moon and cry the whole time because you had heard that the moon was supposed to be great but in truth it totally sucks.”
— Amy Poehler on being a new mom
2. “Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.”
— Tina Fey
3. “You have kids, so you don’t need hobbies.”
— Jill Weber, in Odd Mom Out
4. “I like my body so much better after I had kids. Is that a crazy thing to say? I’m more womanly. I feel sexier.”
— Reese Witherspoon
5. “God couldn’t be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers.”
— Daphne (Diane Keaton) in Because I Said So
6. “The great thing about having a bunch of kids is that they just remind you that you’re the person who takes them to go poop. That’s who you are!”
– Angelina Jolie
7. “Well, the big deal is that it’s part of my job to make sure that you don’t grow up stupid. It’s bad for the world.”
— Tami Taylor (Connie Britton) in Friday Night Lights
8. “As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I’ve done my job.”
— Roseanne Barr
9. “I am not pregnant, but I’ve had three kids, and there is a ‘bump.’ From now on, ladies, I will have a ‘bump’ and it will be my ‘baby bump,’ and let’s just all settle in and get used to it. It’s not going anywhere.”
—Jennifer Garner, when discussing her post-baby body.
10. “Parenthood is…whispering “for f*ck’s sake” before answering to your name.” Unknown (but an unknown genius)